Paddling is a Lot Like Sex

Credit: Google Images

Way back in October, 2005, SAILING magazine carried an article by Chris Caswell titled, “Sailing is a lot like sex if you take your time.”  I enjoyed the article so much I tore it out, folded it about six times so it would fit in my wallet, and have been carrying it around ever since.  In the intervening 11 years, we have moved to the Great American Desert, which put pay to sailing, and have reverted to our early days of canoeing to stay on the water.  Reading it again, I find the comparison applies to paddling as well sailing, so offer the following.  I’ve changed it substantially, so don’t have to worry about plagiarism claims, but since the subject idea and development were Mr. Caswell’s, I offer him his due.

Here is the comparison of paddling and sex, and how, in many cases, paddling is better and safer.

Like sex,

--paddling is better if you take your time.  It is better if you linger.  Indeed, unlike sex, you can continue paddling all day, all week, all month.

--you don’t have to really know how it all works to still enjoy it.  You can do your strokes all wrong and still enjoy the ride.

--no matter how many books you read or whitewater classes you take, the best way to learn is still by doing it, over and over again.

--some people are naturals, while no matter how hard they try, others will always be hackers.  That’s just the way it is.

--some paddlers have a freight canoe, and others have a surf ski.

--some paddlers like to talk, even brag, about their exploits.  However, most admire the strong silent types that just go out and do it well.

--the ones that complain the most about the weather, the bugs, the raccoons and bears, and seem to have the worst time, are still the ones that tell the wildest stories around the campfire.

--paddling alone is simpler and faster, but nowhere near as much fun.

Unlike sex,

--it isn’t scandalous to go paddling with a crowd or someone else’s paddling partner.

--you can ask strangers to go paddling without getting slapped.

--you can take children paddling without getting arrested or having to enter a national registry.

--you can take all the secretaries in the office paddling without being sued for sexual harassment. 

--if you feel you need to learn how to do it better, you can ask for guidance and advice without blushing.  Indeed, many will give you advice before you ask.

--you can solicit the services of a paddling pro without getting arrested by the vice squad.

--no one will think you kinky or start rumors about you because you went paddling.

Best of all, unlike sex, paddling is something you can enjoy just as much at 90 years of age as at 19, and without taking Viagra.

Both, however, are a lot safer with personal protection.